Neighbours

I was pretty scared about telling Declan that I was pregnant but I didn’t expect him to run out on me like hehas! And I definitely didn’t expect him to go off with some groupie!  I was so shocked when she came up to us at the engagement party!  I just wanted to scream at them both.  I felt like pulling her perfect hair out and pouring juice all over her perfectly made-up face!  Did you see how much makeup she had on?  I mean I get it, she’s hot, but she’s a cow!  I'm so mad.  So he needed a quick fix – guess what Declan, there’s no such thing as a quick fix!  He said he was confused and scared, but so am I!  Would he have told me if Zeke hadn’t of spied him making out with her?  I really trusted Dec. I just feel so humiliated right now.

And Where is he? I want to talk to him!  I've made an appointment at Broadstreet Clinic.  Even though he's been a tool, I do need him here!  I wanted to talk to him when he came through the window of my room but I was still so mad at him, and then Dad had to go and kick him out and now he’s done a runner, like Dec does when things get tough!  Halfway to Alice Springs by now.  Rebecca hasn’t heard from him, nobody has. His phone is off.  

I ended up in hospital again and I had to tell Mum and Dad, by myself.  Dec's gone!  He's gone and left me holding the baby!  I do miss him, so much.  I can't do this without him, so I won't do it!   

And he doesn’t want anything to do with this baby, it's pretty clear.  And I want to be a doctor.  I want to go to university.  I don't want to be strapped to the kitchen sink while all my friends, and Dec, are living their lives.  Mum said I should start thinking positively about this pregnancy, that I’m about to go through an extraordinary experience, and that her and Dad would be there every step of the way.  But how can I?  What's the point without Dec being around?  It would be too hard, too upsetting.  He said he wished something would happen to the baby, so we could go back to the way we were before.  He wanted something to happen to our baby, he meant that!  His actions have shown me that….  I know he doesn’t want this.

My appointments today, Rachel and Donna are coming with me. I can’t tell Mum, she’ll try and stop me. This is my decision, and mine alone. Dec’s gone and I'm the only one who can decide on my baby's future. Besides, Dec's already made his choice!

Pretty angry and confused right now. Didge x

PS. Thanks for all your words of support. I have been reading your comments and I know you are all for me continuing on this baby journey. I want you to know this isn't an easy decision. Part of me wants this baby, but I can't without Dec. Yeah Dec and I might be wonderful parents but I'm not sure I'd be a wonderful Mum by myself.   I am just so upset right now, it's so difficult to find my way through this.   I hope you understand my dilemma.  And thanks for your words, I appreciate it, really!